Lately, I’ve been wondering if every single woman has to go through a string of bad relationships before they stumble on a good one, or if it’s only some of us that go through that. So, I started asking around. As I suspected, it’s pretty rare to find a woman that has never fallen for the wrong guy. I mean, everyone goes through break ups where the guy is basically a good man, but it just doesn’t work out for whatever reason. What I’m talking about is women who find themselves in love with abusers, habitual cheaters, narcissists, sociopaths, men looking for a woman to take care of them, and so on. Some of us just end up in the wrong place at the wrong time and happen to fall for someone who’s good at hiding who they really are. We learn from that negative experience and move on to the kind of man we should really be with. Then there are those of us, like myself, who have picked the same kind of jerk over and over and feel like it’s a complete mystery as to why we keep ending up with the same type of guy. We like to blame it on them, but the truth is that it’s our fault that we pick the same fools over and over. Put yourself in the mindset of a loser with a no job, an alcohol or drug problem, a womanizer, abusive etc. Are you going to be looking for the woman who won’t take no shit that will put your ass the second you treat her some type of way she doesn’t’ like? Hell no! You’re going to be on the prowl for that sweet, naïve, forgiving, doormat with a good job, a forgiving nature and money in the bank to take care of you and put up with your shit. I wasn’t smart enough to come up with this list until after I’d already become that girl, but here’s a list of red flags I wish someone had given me back in my single days. Hopefully, someone can put it to good use before one of the following douche-kabobs gets his grubby little hands on a good woman and makes her life hell.
Please don’t misunderstand me. There are good, honest men out there who have fallen on hard times. Just because his job involves offering asking “Do you want fries with that?” or he loses his job doesn’t automatically make him a nobody. My husband would flip burgers to support us any day of the week, and if he had to walk 6 miles to get to that job he wouldn’t think twice about doing it. A real man is a proud man. He’s not looking for someone to take care of him and give him a hand out. He's focused on trying to be the man a woman needs rather than trying to find the woman he needs. That leads me to my next red flag…
Sometimes the last person you should trust is yourself. I can’t tell
you how many times I disregarded it when those that know me the best told me
someone didn’t deserve me. People would tell me my relationship with said loser
was going to result in disaster right up until the moment it all blew up in my
face, but I wouldn’t listen. When you like someone and have a tendency for that
to be the wrong someone, your friends can see everything you can’t. When
someone you trust says don’t go there, listen to what they have to say. Think
logically. Why would someone who wants to see you happy tell you someone is
wrong for you if they’re not? Ask yourself what you would think if that same
friend brought home that same guy. If he's not good enough for someone you care
about then he doesn’t deserve you either. 
Behind every crazy bitch is a man who made her that way. We all know
him, and some of us have loved him. The guy with the “crazy baby mama” or
“psychotic ex”. Hell, you might even be someone’s crazy bitch. We can’t
overlook the fact that some bitches are indeed crazy as hell. HOWEVER, I’m
guessing 90% of the women some man is calling crazy and irrational were fairly
sane at some point in time. The only thing that made her crazy was messing with
his sorry ass in the first place. We all know the definition of insanity is
doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. That
definition couldn’t be any more applicable to someone in an unhealthy
relationship. Investing so much of your time and energy into making it work
with someone who does you wrong over and over again will eventually result in
you losing your mind. Then you’re walking around looking like the crazy one
while he claims he has no idea why you act like a lunatic every time he does
the tiniest little thing. My point is, be weary of guys who have had a lot of
relationship drama in the past. Psych wards are full of women whose men have
driven them bat shit crazy. One day I’ll tell you how I know that. 
He loves you with all his… penis. They say that guys with nothing to
offer outside the bedroom master the art of dicking you down to keep you
around. That is not a rumor. Dickmatization is real and will have you walking
around like an oversexed zombie. How do you think these fools get us to put up
with all the crap on this list? It's pretty easy to determine if you're a slave
to the D. If you make a pros and cons list about your man and the only pros you
can come up with are "the sex is good" and "I love him" you
might want to consider rehab because your adDICKted. Don't be trying to play Captain Save a Loser for some good D. There are plenty of them out there attached to men who have other redeeming qualities.
Beware the social media scumbag. How the hell did we investigate men
before social media? I guess we didn't even know what we didn't know. Scanning
a man's Facebook page or the pages of ex's and friends will provide you with a
wealth of information. Anyone in a dramatic and crazy relationship will tell
the world all about it. All you have to do is scroll down far enough to find
it. That's not even the best part though. You can learn a lot about the kind of
guy they are. The guys that act like teenage girls make me crazy. Always crying
about some bullshit, throwing shade and acting like they're exposing someone
for something. So not cute. The absolute WORST are the Facebook jiggolos
though. The ones always posting about how fine they think they are, how much
game they got, and throwing out the bait to see what girls will bite. Remember
Mitch the Manwhore? He was the worst about this. He used to do things like post
that he planned to have a girlfriend within the next 3 months and the desperate
women would line up in the comments begging to be next in line. I would be
reading them thinking, "Did you not just see the 20 comments above yours
all saying the same thing you just said?" Clearly not boyfriend material. 
Tests are for math class, NOT relationships. Just like a child molester grooms their victims, a controlling and abusive man will throw out little "tests" to condition you for the extreme bullshit that they're going to need you to put up with. It starts out small. Getting you to change plans that are important to you to accommodate him. Trying to isolate you from friends to see if you will choose him over them. Picking fights to see if you'll beg for forgiveness even if he’s the one in the wrong. The more you put up with, the further it escalates. Of everything on this list this one screams RUN the loudest. I’m not going to get on my domestic violence soapbox right at the moment. That topic is worthy of it’s very own post. Just believe me when I say that this is not someone you want to get involved with. At first, it might seem cute and you’ll be telling yourself “he’s just protective” or “he must really like me if he’s trying to lock me down like this”, but this shit is bad news. If there’s one thing you take away from this, let it be this one you take to heart. Your life could depend on it.Even though there is an element of comedy to this list it's absolutely the real deal. The most important lesson in all of this is you shouldn't ever try to make someone who doesn't have the qualities you're looking for into the person you want them to be. Staying and continuing to invest in these kinds of situations will only lead to misery and inevitable heartbreak. I'm not saying people can't change, but the only person who can change a man is that man himself. I can't tell you how much heartache I would have saved myself if I hadn't insisted on learning everything the hard way. Once you start settling for less than you deserve and ignoring the obvious it's all downhill from there. One day you might just look up and find yourself in love with the worst of the worst. That's exactly what happened to me. The story of how that experience overtook my life and turned it upside down will be the subject of my first series. It's a very personal story with elements that will be difficult to share, but it's one that I feel compelled to tell in hopes that my struggle will help someone avoid the same pitfalls I fell into. If the nightmare I endured can help even one woman to make better choices or change her life for the better than sharing my story will be 100% worth it. No matter what we go through in life, it's NEVER too late to choose happiness.
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