Ask any woman what the best, hardest, and sometimes the most thankless, job in the world is and we'll all say the same thing... BEING A MOTHER. Multiply a normal mom's struggle by about 10 and you'll be getting close to what it must have been like to be mine. I swear if we were Catholic I'd petition to have her canonized a saint. Every year at Mother's Day, I make it a point to apologize for being so hard to raise and tell my mom she was right about damn near everything. Here's my list of the top 10 things she was right about:
1) "One day you'll have a daughter and you'll know what it's like!"
Now that I have a teenage girl I literally don't know how my Mom still loves me. She so much better behaved than I was at her age, and some days I want to put her up for adoption. I swear once I week I feel compelled to call her and apologize. On the other hand, it really helps to put things into perspective on the particularly irritating days. It's kind of hard lose my shit over her stuffing her clothes in the dresser without folding them when my Mom was nailing my windows shut to keep the boys out and me in at that age.
Now that I have a teenage girl I literally don't know how my Mom still loves me. She so much better behaved than I was at her age, and some days I want to put her up for adoption. I swear once I week I feel compelled to call her and apologize. On the other hand, it really helps to put things into perspective on the particularly irritating days. It's kind of hard lose my shit over her stuffing her clothes in the dresser without folding them when my Mom was nailing my windows shut to keep the boys out and me in at that age.
2) "Cleaning your room is good for your future."
I was a total slob when I was a kid. My mom and I would go round and round about my room being a disaster all the time. She literally used to tell me no man would want a slob for a wife and I needed to learn how to take care of my stuff if I ever wanted to have anything nice. I improved some over the years, but keeping my closet organized was always my big downfall. I finally got motivated to end my laziness when my husband and I were dating. He happened to open my closet door and it looked like it had been tossed by burglars. I was so embarrassed! Reality kicked in that if I was going to be his Mrs. I was going to have to keep a house he'd want to come home too. Now that I have this big pretty house I keep it so clean he gets mad at me because when he leaves shit laying around I put it away and it's not where he left it. Can we have please pick a struggle?!?!
I was a total slob when I was a kid. My mom and I would go round and round about my room being a disaster all the time. She literally used to tell me no man would want a slob for a wife and I needed to learn how to take care of my stuff if I ever wanted to have anything nice. I improved some over the years, but keeping my closet organized was always my big downfall. I finally got motivated to end my laziness when my husband and I were dating. He happened to open my closet door and it looked like it had been tossed by burglars. I was so embarrassed! Reality kicked in that if I was going to be his Mrs. I was going to have to keep a house he'd want to come home too. Now that I have this big pretty house I keep it so clean he gets mad at me because when he leaves shit laying around I put it away and it's not where he left it. Can we have please pick a struggle?!?!
3) "Your attraction to bad boys is not a game."
She used to tell me all the time that the type of guy I liked in high school was going to teach me a hard lesson if I kept taking up with them as an adult. Let the church say amen! Of course, I didn't listen, and of course, it led to disaster. I loved the guys that lived on the edge. The ones that needed "fixing". The ones going no where in life. The ones who loved me for what I could do for them because they couldn't do shit for me. Bless my Momma's heart, she never once said I told you so. Not even when I showed back up on her doorstep battered, bruised, and penniless. She just loved me, supported me and helped me get back on my feet until I finally learned not to let the losers of the world knock me down anymore.
She used to tell me all the time that the type of guy I liked in high school was going to teach me a hard lesson if I kept taking up with them as an adult. Let the church say amen! Of course, I didn't listen, and of course, it led to disaster. I loved the guys that lived on the edge. The ones that needed "fixing". The ones going no where in life. The ones who loved me for what I could do for them because they couldn't do shit for me. Bless my Momma's heart, she never once said I told you so. Not even when I showed back up on her doorstep battered, bruised, and penniless. She just loved me, supported me and helped me get back on my feet until I finally learned not to let the losers of the world knock me down anymore.
4) "Your life won't be right until you have a man who can take care of you."
This shit here used to PISS ME OFF. This is one of those issues where she had the right idea but used the wrong words to say it. It must have driven her insane when she would tell me to raise my standards and I would tell her that I wasn't going to be some shallow gold digger who only liked men for what they could do for me. Now that I have a man who can provide for me I get what she was trying to tell me all along. Having a man who takes care of you doesn't mean you're incapable of taking care of yourself. It means you have a partner in life that can meet you half way and build a life with you. It's not about who can do what for who. It's about what you can do together. A little side note that I learned on my own: When a man can take care of you there's a kind of mutual respect that comes with it that puts your relationship on a much deeper level. Love - Respect = Infatuation.
5) "Get used to physical activity when you're young or you'll struggle to keep your weight down when you're older."
When I was in school I was into choir and theater. My Mom tried everything to get me to play soccer or soft ball or anything that would give me an active lifestyle. All I wanted to do was sing like Mariah and Whitney. I was pretty damn good too. I was in all the plays and talent shows. I took voice and piano lessons. I had absolutely no interest in any of it, and am not good at it anyway. I don't have an athletic bone in my body. Now that I'm older I'm paying the price. Working out is torture for me, my metabolism is slow as a slug, and my body shows it. I used to be skinny as a rail with curves in all the right places, and I guess I took it for granted that it wouldn't always come natural. Now I have curves in all the wrong places too, and dislike physical activity so much that I just can't get the motivation to make myself do it. I should have listened dammit.
When I was in school I was into choir and theater. My Mom tried everything to get me to play soccer or soft ball or anything that would give me an active lifestyle. All I wanted to do was sing like Mariah and Whitney. I was pretty damn good too. I was in all the plays and talent shows. I took voice and piano lessons. I had absolutely no interest in any of it, and am not good at it anyway. I don't have an athletic bone in my body. Now that I'm older I'm paying the price. Working out is torture for me, my metabolism is slow as a slug, and my body shows it. I used to be skinny as a rail with curves in all the right places, and I guess I took it for granted that it wouldn't always come natural. Now I have curves in all the wrong places too, and dislike physical activity so much that I just can't get the motivation to make myself do it. I should have listened dammit.
6) "I always taught you to treat everyone equally. I just didn't know you'd take it this far."
Sounds pretty shitty, I know. Sometimes your mom is right and wrong at the same time. My mom raised me to be kind to everyone no matter what. When I was young, I was always friends with the kids that got teased, the girl who was overweight, the kid who no one liked. When I got older, I couldn't stand all the preppy kids, jocks, and cheerleaders. I had no interest in running with the in crowd. I've always disliked people who were mean or intolerant of people for any reason. I guess you could say I ran with "the wrong crowd" a lot, and that's where her idea that I'd taken equality too far came from. This idea could also be applied to my love life. I have dated guys of every race and if my mom hasn't taught me that no one is better than anyone else I might have overlooked my soul mate. I often wonder how many people reject someone based on ethnicity or skin color.
7) "There are more important things in life than what your hair looks like."
In high school, it took me nearly 3 hours to get ready for school. My hair had to be perfect. Not a hair out of place. My makeup had to be flawless. My outfit had to be 100% on point. If my pants didn't fall on my shoes just right there was no way I could leave the house like that. Drove my mom crazy! I still like to look good, of course, but as it turns out I don't have to look perfect all the time to be pretty! My husband loves it when I let me hair go natural and tome down the makeup. I still like to dress right, but I am much more likely to go cute and comfy these days. My relflectiom in the mirror is not what makes me who I am.
8) "You are not an island!"
I know what you're thinking. What in the hell does that mean? Well, back when she used to say it to me all the time I didn't get it either. Basically, I was a raging asshole as a teenager. I didn't have the capacity to see how my actions affected those around me. I thought if I wanted to do stupid shit it didn't affect anyone but me. I was a selfish brat. I thought I was an island, but I was America and my Mom was Canada. We're connected. Every time I hurt myself I was hurting her too.
I know what you're thinking. What in the hell does that mean? Well, back when she used to say it to me all the time I didn't get it either. Basically, I was a raging asshole as a teenager. I didn't have the capacity to see how my actions affected those around me. I thought if I wanted to do stupid shit it didn't affect anyone but me. I was a selfish brat. I thought I was an island, but I was America and my Mom was Canada. We're connected. Every time I hurt myself I was hurting her too.
9) "Proper English is a mark of class and intelligence."
My mom was an English teacher until she retired several years back. She started teaching me to read as soon as I could talk. Her emphasis on reading, writing and proper English got me through college, made me a success in my various career choices over the years, and gave me the ability to speak intelligently even when I don't know what I'm talking about. Hell, I probably wouldn't even be writing this blog if teaching me those skills hadn't been so important to her.
My mom was an English teacher until she retired several years back. She started teaching me to read as soon as I could talk. Her emphasis on reading, writing and proper English got me through college, made me a success in my various career choices over the years, and gave me the ability to speak intelligently even when I don't know what I'm talking about. Hell, I probably wouldn't even be writing this blog if teaching me those skills hadn't been so important to her.
10) "You're a star!"
I spent a lot of years of my life selling myself short. Whenever she is encouraging me to go for what I want or deserve she always tells me this to remind me that she believes in me. It took me a long time to really believe that about myself, but once I started believing that I really deserved and could have all the things I wanted in life everything started to change. Obviously, my mom gave me life in the day I was born, but she's continued to do it even when I deserved her support the least for 37 years now. In my rebellious stage, the last thing I wanted to be was just like mother, but I have always been more like her than I cared to admit. Luckily, I'm becoming more like her every day and there's not another woman on this Earth I'd rather take after.
If you're one of those mom's who think you're doing a terrible job (as most mothers do) just remember that as long as you're trying your kids will see that. Even if they're not thanking you now, they will be! Happy Mother's Day to all the moms I know and love!
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