Real Life Tearjerkers 4:23 PMAndrea ♥ TheTaintedButterfly.com

Serenity Now Part 2- Confessions of a Fed Up Step Mom


I had to take a blogging break. After the nonsense that was dumped on my family last week, the Lord had his arm around my shoulder and his hand over my mouth. I tried to write about other topics, but I had a hard time staying focused and engaged on other topics with last week’s events having taken over my brain. I don’t like feeling like I’m forcing myself to write about something that’s not really what’s on my heart. It seems to come out boring and lacking sincerity when I do that. So, I’ve decided that I won’t get past this until I talk about it. I’ve had a little time now to get the rude and disrespectful comments under control so hopefully I can talk about this without going the “Can you believe that this bitch…” route. Wish me luck because I’ll probably need it.

So, here’s the deal. Last week the kid’s Mom emailed us and told us that she is taking my step son back to live with her. I won’t go into the specific details, but let’s just say the situation was handled very poorly on her part. She could have left it at “He’s decided he wanted to come back to live with me.” We would have been satisfied with that. He’s old enough to make that decision for himself, and we want him to be happy even if it's not with us. I guess just letting us know she'd be taking him back wasn't enough for her. She had to make sure she was rude, hurtful and unnecessary too. Not only that, she manipulated him into believing that he would be better off there and then told my husband that it was his fault the boy wants to leave. I don't think my son has a clue what his Mom actually said, at least I hope not. I couldn’t believe she had the nerve to treat my husband like some kind of half assed parent when he’s clearly gone above and beyond for his children. On the other hand, it was pretty much par for the course. Before the kids came she was so appreciative of us taking them while she was going through a hard time, but since the day she dropped them off she’s acted like she was doing us a favor. I wanted to remind her that she should feel blessed to have a man that will step up the way he has. We all know how many men can’t be bothered to spend a day with their kids or a dime from their pockets, let alone a year and a half with little to no child support aside from the money she gives directly to the kids that gets blown on video games and fast food. Don’t misunderstand me though. I’m not saying he deserves a standing ovation. He was doing his job as a father, taking care of his kids in whatever circumstances he’s given. I’m just saying she didn’t give him the respect he deserved.

Aside from the fact that the way she went about letting us know was so upsetting, the wife in me was pissed off because she was raking him over the coals like she was still married to him. I don’t care how many kids you have with him, I’m not going be ok with you talking to my husband any kind of way. Talking crazy to him is my job! In a way I'm being funny when I say that, but I’ve found that one of the hardest parts of being a step mother is feeling like another woman has more of a say than you do about what goes on in your own home. I think most step parents would tell you that adjusting to the kids is the easy part. It’s the interaction with the grown folks involved that’s the real challenge. Our families have received many compliments on how well we all get along to create a positive and supportive environment for the kids. My husband and I have hosted several parties for the kids in which their mom’s whole family has attended and it was a great time for everyone. You want to know the truth though? The truth is that we’re faking it for the kids. There is so much I would love to say to this woman, but I was a kid with divorced parents who could hardly be in the same room together. I want a better environment than that for my kids, and any time my husband tries to push back when she attempts to manipulate the situation the first thing she does is try to involve them in the drama. Believe me, I’d love to get my ratchet out of my toolbox and go to work on her, but the kid’s happiness means more to me than my desire to put her in her place.

 My husband has had to be content to look like the bad guy for so long because he won’t sink to her level.  I’ve had multiple people tell me that it’s time to fight back and that the kids need a dose of reality because it’s not fair to us to just let her manipulate and control everything to her advantage. If you think fighting with your ex over your kids is hard, just try to imagine keeping your mouth shut no matter your ex says or does. I didn’t really understand why he wasn’t standing up for himself until he told me that having his kids happy and under his roof was all he cared about, and whatever he had to endure to have that was worth it. I see so many co-parenting situations in which both parents lose sight of what’s really important. They get so wrapped up in being right that they forget about the kids standing right there witnessing everything you say and do right in front of them. My husband and I have endured a lot in the last year and a half, and I’m proud that we were able to do it with class and grace, even if we had to fake it til we make it at times.  
 
My step son leaves this weekend, and it’s going to be really hard to see him go. We’re already trying to figure out how to handle it when she comes to pick him up. I’m not sure how I’m going to maintain my composure when I see her because I’m really at my limit. At this point, the only respect for her I have left is the fact that she gave my husband 2 beautiful, intelligent, talented kids. We’d gladly keep him here with us if we knew that’s what he wanted, but I’d be lying if I said we aren’t looking forward to the upside of being free from full time parenting. Now we can get back to all the newlywed adventures and plans we had before they came. I wonder if she realizes that now that the kids aren’t going to be under our roof we don’t have to put up with her crap anymore to protect them? We’ll be free to call her out on her nonsense, and it won’t have a negative impact on the kids. I wonder if she’s ready for us to give her the same courtesy she’s given us when it comes to child support and being a team player? It will be interesting to see how she reacts when her child support money is being blown on fast food and video games. I wonder if she’s prepared for what it’s going to be like when the kids get older and can see through the lies, bribes and manipulation? It’s only a matter of time before karma will be sufficiently doing my dirty work....



This is a journey into the life and mind of The Tainted Butterfly. There will be lots of laughs, a few tears, and you'll find out everything you ever wanted to know about being perfectly imperfect.

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